Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just gift wrapped bread.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.