Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.

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(914): View more from New York

Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!

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(516): View more from New York

I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss

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(716): View more from New York

i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control

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21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
Read it at the TFLN blog
(845): View more from New York

You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is

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(416): View more from Toronto

Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.

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