If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.