she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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