I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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