I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
