His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
