sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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