So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
