20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Houston, we have a blender
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
