For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
