i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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