Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
