I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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