I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
