Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
