who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
