but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
