My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
