I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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