just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
