Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
