it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
