so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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