Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
