3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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