He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
