Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
