I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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