and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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