eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
