I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
