ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
