One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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