fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
