highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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