I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
