I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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