Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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