i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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