But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Never underestimate the power of titties
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
