One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize