You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
