my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
