How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
