I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
