It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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