Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
