Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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