You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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