I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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