i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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