I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
