just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
