So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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