I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
