May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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