you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
