Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
