Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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