What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
