Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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