i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
