let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
