You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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