I CAN MOONWALK!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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