i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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