Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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