i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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