its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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