Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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