Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
