We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have tasted many bathrooms
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
