My liver just broke up with me...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
